The Bachelor Recap: Women Tell All (Prince Farming)

I know I’m jumping into this game a little late, but honestly, until last night I hadn’t thought to blog about the shenanigans going on in the bachelor.

Last night was the “Women Tell All” special and despite all the hype, I really didn’t think it was that remarkable. Here’s some of the highlights:

  • Even after watching the show, Britt still thought Carly was her friend in the house. Seriously? Did she not see the lipstick hand puppet? Some people are calling Carly a bully, but was she? Since when was calling someone out for being a hypocrite considered being a bully?
  • Speaking of Britt, someone give that girl an acting gig. I don’t believe for a hot second that she was in love with Chris, but apparently most of America did. He’s a farmer from Iowa and she’s a born and bred L.A. girl. Look how much makeup she wears. Look at cows. Look how much attention she needs. There’s only 500 people in Arlington, Iowa – that’s not nearly enough to keep her ego properly stoked. You can see how this wasn’t ever going to possibly work out. Her portion of the show was spent crying on the couch to Chris Harrison about how much she loved Chris, blah blah blah. Oh, and for the love of God, quit it with the garish red lipstick and glittery eye shadow.
  • Jade came up with that painted-on red dress and talked about how she thinks the photos were the reason she was sent home. They were. The man is a farmer in Iowa – he does not want to be married to someone with nude pictures all over the internet. I’m sorry Jade, you seem like a lovely girl now, but your past has severely limited the number and type of men that will want to be with you long-term. Crotch shots on the internet equals a life spent with a bartender, a DJ, a reality TV star or a Hollywood wannabe. Let that be a lesson to the young girls out there. Oh, and can we please stop calling it “nude modeling”? It’s porn.
  • Ashley (the crazy one) had a turn on the couch talking to Chris Harrison. She brought him an onion. That was a little strange, but apparently she grows them now. Good for her. He offered her a spot on the Bachelor in Paradise and she did that thing where she stares off into space. I’d rather not watch her incoherent babbling again, so I hope she declines the invitation.
  • Kelsey also got a chance to share her piece. Something seems off about her. It seemed off when she was on the show and it continued last night. I don’t get the impression that there was any great love lost between her and Sanderson. Maybe she’s looking at their marriage through rose colored glasses now that he’s gone, but she didn’t seem like she lost a man that she had a deep and loving connection with. I don’t think she realizes she comes across as cold as she does. Her segment was capped with a fake apology for offending anyone.
  • Ashley (the Kardashian one) didn’t really get a chance to talk, which surprised me. There were a lot of faces being made, but not much else. She’s entertaining to watch, but I can see why he didn’t pick her. She’s definitely not farm material, even if he does spend most of his time traveling to conventions and seeing to the business side of things rather than working the land.
  • Kaitlyn did some talking about how she didn’t know why he kicked her off, blah blah blah. I was waiting for them to announce her as the next bachelorette (even though I’d rather watch Carly or Britt, even) and that never happened. Chris had no closure for her, so I’ll tell her why she got kicked off. You’re too vulgar. Chris seems to be taking into consideration his mom and sister’s opinions when making his decisions and it’s clear that Kaitlyn isn’t the type of girl they would like. Right off the bat she made a joke about him “plowing her fields”. Which he did. In the fantasy suite. Humped and dumped. She was never one of my favorites. Between the bad rapping and the unlimited locker room jokes, I mostly just felt uncomfortable watching her.

Overall, the night was pretty uneventful. The girls that didn’t like each other in the house still didn’t like each other at the reunion. There was crying. Chris had a hard time forming a sentence under pressure and he sweated a lot.

Lets bring on the final episode and watch him pick Whitney.

Like most bachelor romances, I don’t see this one lasting. Why? It has nothing to do with Arlington and everything to do with the memories that she is going to have of the show. She was never the front-runner until the very end. Looking back, she’s going to remember Chris making out with Britt, giving Britt the rose, giving most of the other girls roses first, etc. etc. Their relationship has already started out on the wrong foot, which is going to make it really hard for it to last.

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