I don’t normally post about family drama on here, but since such a variety of people read this blog, I thought it would be a good place to seek some outside perspective.
I don’t really know where to start, so I’ll jump right in and try to explain as I go.
We’re having a birthday party for our daughters on Halloween. We invited our family that we have seen or spoken to in the past year. That means, my sister that lives out of state was not invited and neither was my husband’s brother. Unlike with my sister, it was not geography that made us choose to not invite him.
Back in January, I tried to send out a family newsletter updating everyone on the past year of our lives (we had a baby in 2014 amongst other things). I also announced that I was switching to paperless party invites by means of using Evite. No big deal, right? Just send an email address and move on with life. Easy, peasy.
Well, I never got a response to my request for an email address from my brother-in-law’s wife. So, I texted him instead. Also no response. Since they never got back to me, I had no way of sending them the newsletter or an evite. I thought it was strange, so I had my husband text his brother. His brother responded, but not with an email address.
I started to get suspicious at this point that perhaps my phone number was blocked. A quick check on Facebook revealed that his wife had blocked me. It wasn’t unreasonable to think my phone number was blocked too. So, I called her. One ring and voicemail. I immediately had a friend that was with me shoot a text saying, “Hey Ron, are you still coming tonight?” She immediately responded to the text, so I know her phone was on. I texted right after that, saying I still needed an email address for them. Nothing. Complete radio silence. At that point, I knew my phone number was blocked.
Fast forward a few weeks and my mother-in-law called my husband. Oh, your brother is mad that they didn’t get the family newsletter that your wife sent out.
Really? REALLY? I told her I couldn’t send it to them because I didn’t have an email address. I tried texting and calling, but got no response.
She texted me an email address for him.
This is 3 weeks after I sent the damn newsletter. I already knew at this point that they were blocking me for some reason or another. Obviously they want nothing to do with me, why would I send them an update on my family? I wouldn’t. I told my mother-in-law that.
She had some vague excuse as to why I should just send it anyway. Ignore whatever his wife is doing and just send it along.
Ok, that was confirmation that she’s blocking me. I asked if my mother-in-law knew what was up. She said no.
Moving along, a few months later, my husband’s grandfather passed away. We were met with silence at his funeral from my brother-in-law and his wife. My husband’s uncle approached my father-in-law and us and asked how many grandkids my father-in-law had now. That was his sly way of telling us that the brother-in-law’s wife was pregnant.
At this point, it all kind of clicked, since the brother-in-law’s wife has to take antipsychotics to be less bitchy, but functional. When she’s off her pills she is a scary kind of crazy and literally having 2 X chromosomes is enough to set her off. I know they made the decision to have a 4th child since it’s something they had mentioned before, so I don’t really give her any leeway for being crazy train when she’s off her pills since it was a choice.
Moving right along, the brother-in-law and his wife continued to ignore us and block us from their lives. They never told us they were expecting until one day, the brother-in-law texted my husband in a group text to invite him to a gender reveal party. AKA – Bring a gift.
Similar group texts invited us to a birthday party for their 3 kids and a baby shower. All gift-giving events. All impersonal. No responses to our texts or calls. They basically wanted us to just send a gift.
Between January and September when all of this was happening, we spoke several times with my mother-in-law regarding this. She always denied knowing what was going on. She tried telling us that they too don’t know why we are angry at them. We told her why. We told them why in a text message that they probably never got. We told her to have them call us if they are confused as to why we are upset with them.
She said she didn’t want to get involved because brother-in-law’s wife would restrict her access to their kids again. I believed her, since she has done that numerous times in the past.
Now, fast forward to October – 10 months after radio silence began. My mother-in-law called my husband one day to tell him this had to stop and that he had to make up with his brother. He asked how he was supposed to do that since his brother isn’t speaking to him unless it’s in a group text.
She went on to insinuate that we had been in the wrong and that my family newsletter that I couldn’t email him because he and his wife had blocked me was the source of the problem and that if I hadn’t tried to send it, we wouldn’t even know they were blocking us and none of this would be an issue.
So now my mother-in-law is angry at us because we won’t just lie down while the brother-in-law and his wife in particular treat us like crap.
Am I crazy for not wanting to just look the other way and pretend like these people aren’t literally giving us the silent treatment? When we were in the same room as them the last time (nearly a year ago), I spoke directly to brother-in-law’s wife and she turned her head the other way without answering. When I say they are giving us (well, me) the silent treatment, I mean that quite literally. Am I wrong for not wanting to participate in that type of madness? Am I wrong for just wanting to not be around them? Am I wrong for disagreeing that we should all act like this normal behavior for a mother of 4?
She is crazy. She needs help. I don’t think she’s going to get the type of help she needs (antipsychotics don’t quite cut it when she’s on them) if everyone continues to walk on eggshells around her and act like she’s completely mentally stable and everything she does is wonderful. She really needs help. When she was pregnant with her first baby, she slashed my mother-in-law’s tires after a disagreement. She has gotten crazier since then.
What do I do? I really think she’s going to snap and kill someone and I’m not even joking. Her father has a large gun collection. I just want to keep my family away from her so that when she snaps, my kids and husband aren’t caught in the cross hairs.
So what do you all think? Am I being nuts for just staying away. Besides the whole crazy, probably going to shoot someone at some point (she has made threats on Facebook, not directed towards me that I’m aware of, but towards my father-in-law, whom they also don’t speak to), they’re also playing the asinine silent treatment game that I’m not interested in being a part of. I feel like as a parent, I need to keep my kids away from her because 1.) She’s dangerous and 2.) She’s not a good role model of how I want them to wind up. At this point, seeing how my mother-in-law has handled the situation, I don’t think she’s a good role model either. I already don’t let her watch my kids because she drinks heavily and zones out a lot.
So what would you do? How would you handle the situation? We offered to alternate holidays since my mother-in-law likes to host everything and she said she would rather just invite them to everything and catch up with us later. I got the impression this is because they’ll get upset otherwise.
I could really use some input, so lay it out there!