My Birth Control is Making Me Fat

I started a new birth control pill (thanks shitty mail order service that changed my brand to an “equivalent” pill) and I’m up 8 pounds.

I’m not eating differently and I’m as stressed out as ever. Literally the only thing different is this pill. I’m bloated and can tell that I’m storing water in my mom-gut and thighs like I’m expecting there to be a sudden worldwide drought. Seriously, I look like I’m pregnant — which I’m not — with the way my stomach is bloating out.

The muffin top is quite attractive too.

Now 8 pounds might not sound like a lot (or maybe it does), but it’s a TON of weight on someone who is only 5 feet tall. I’m like fat Snookie. It’s gross. I tried hopping on the 21 day fix bandwagon last month when this atrocious weight gain began and it didn’t do a damn thing. Not a single pound was shed.

I’m debating calling my OB, but she’ll probably say something super helpful like “come in for a pap smear” — because having shit scraped off my cervix is ALWAYS the answer… or, “Give it 3 months” — 3 x 8 = 24. That’s a lot of HELL NO. Seriously though – when I complained that another pill gave me headaches, she replied with, “Well, babies give people headaches too.” So helpful.

So, have any of you lovely ladies reading this drivel ever used Gisell? It’s the one that’s causing me to pack on the pounds. Then again, maybe that’s how it works – blow up like a tick so your husband stays away from you and you don’t get pregnant.

Ugh. Can’t they just have a mobile neuter wagon drive around suburbia and fix husbands for $90 like they do with cats? We’ve talked about him getting the snip, but that would require a trip to his regular doctor for a referral followed by a trip to a specialist for the procedure and then multiple follow-ups to erhm… get a sample… and make sure it worked. Plus co-pays and other things that will make him not do it.

So, suggestions? Experience? Am I totally alone in hating Gisell?


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