The Hardest Part is Letting Go

I’ve heard so many times before that the hardest part is letting go. Letting go of a loved one that has passed, a relationship that has failed, or most recently — a chapter of life that is closing.

I’m officially done having babies. I thought I was ok with that decision until I heard my husband say it too. He said there wasn’t another in the cards for us and for whatever reason my heart broke. He was always the one pushing for one more and him giving up on that is hard for some ridiculous reason. I don’t know how to do anything other than to be a mom of young kids.

We started taking down baby stuff from the attic and selling it. My youngest starts preschool in the fall. The days of diapers are almost over. Things are changing and I’m not really sure what my role is anymore. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 7 years and now I’m not sure what to do now. My youngest will be in preschool 2 days a week, for 2.5 hours a day, so obviously I won’t be able to go back to working outside of the home, but the other 2 will be in school. I feel obsolete.

On its own, I would be able to handle that change and that emotion, but I feel like the world is really dumping on me right now. Like a lot of people in our area, we’re struggling financially. The jobs aren’t paying enough to keep up with the costs of housing, taxes, groceries, etc. Unfortunately, instead of leaving like a lot of people are doing, we’re just flailing around and trying to keep our heads above water. My husband hates “being the new guy” and he worries that he isn’t good at his job and a new employer will see that and just fire him. I hope this is the year he gets a raise to help, but after 6 years of not getting a raise, I’m thinking the odds are low. They know he’ll stay even if they don’t give him a raise.

So my question is this: What do you do when you’re really down in the dumps? I’m not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not seeing a silver lining. I’m just seeing struggle and isolation for me in the years ahead. I should mention that I’ve become a bit of an introvert since staying home with the kids and meeting new people is not easy for me anymore.

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